my heart, it hurts.

When I think about the influence that my life has in the people's lives around me and the people that I love most in this world, I like to think that by the grace of God that I'm doing a good job. But when I stop and really analyze what kind of life am I really living? Am I living up to the gifts and callings that God has placed in my life and in my heart? Am I intimate enough with Him that I hear his voice as clear as a whisper, and a gust of the wind? Is my light shining bright enough that it radiates the love of God? Do I share the grace with people nearly as much as my God shares with me? Today I've read and seen some things that have been absolutely heart wrenching. I thank my Savior that I don't have to experience certain things that others have to go through, and I thank God that He shows me grace and mercy every single day. I thank God that He called me out, He gave me a purpose, He sacrificed it all for me. Now it's time to step out.


If it's my desire to go the nations and spread the Gospel, why am I not practicing here? Why am I not showing grace and mercy to the people in my city? Why am I not being a missionary to MY nation?


When my heart had been gashed today I took refuge in these verses.

"‎13 for it is GOD who WORKS in you(ME) to will and

to act in order to fulfill HIS good purpose. 14 Do

everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that

you may become blameless and pure, “children of God

without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”

Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky".

                                                                                                            -Phil 2:12-15

It's always so good to remember, that it is HIM through me, not anything that I do on my own that can fulfill His good purpose. Nothing I can is ever going to be enough, but it's what I give Him to work with that He's going to use to bring Him glory.

My favorite part of this is "then you will shine among them like stars in the sky." When we do our part, we are going to be radiant. We are going to shine through in the darkest nights. We are going to be seen in a crowd, and we are going to have many many more opportunities to help save lives and to help fulfill His purpose. So reassuring.