In my family we tend to keep our business to ourselves. We don’t like a whole lot of drama and like to be nosey on the outside without intruding (haha). We’re observers instead of being right in the middle of things with the attention on us.
Sometimes this is very helpful in life. I’ve learned how to ignore things and take myself out of situations where I am uncomfortable without being missed too much. But as an attempt to grow closer to God I’ve been trying to be more transparent with things going on in my life.
I am a naturally happy person, most stuff just doesn’t bug me and I brush it off my shoulder. Even when I get upset about things I tend to get over them quickly and any harsh word that comes from my mouth is instantly a regret. That’s just how I am.
On my trip to Mexico and Colombia Raf is requiring me to tell my testimony after one of our dramas. Although he is practically forcing me to do this I am extremely pumped to share my story and hopefully help some people understand the love of God and that He has a purpose for each and every single person who will hear my story.
With my testimony came a ton of emotions that I had been bottling up for a while. I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much in a day as much as I cried this past Sunday. Last Friday while Vayden was taking a nap I sat down and wrote out my testimony.
I don’t have a great relationship with my dad. He doesn’t know how to communicate without yelling and I don’t even know how to have a decent conversation with him. It’s tough living in the same house with him. We’re so much alike yet as opposite as two people could be. I don’t know how to hug him or tell him that I love him and we never talk about how our days went. He doesn’t believe in apologies. My dad is a great man with a ton of humility and strength. He survived a rough childhood and an addiction that could’ve taken his life. He’s generous and funny when he’s in the mood. He’s ridiculous and says some of the most bizarre things. & I love him, more than I’ve ever loved any man in my life. But sometimes that love is just because it’s required. I would love to have an incredible relationship with my dad. I would love to be able to tell him how much I love him and how much I really do appreciate him, I just don’t know how.
This past Sunday my Pastor spoke a great sermon which hit a tough spot in my heart. I was a mess through the rest of the service and cried through the entire last song. It’s been a long while since God has burst a spot in my heart and let me just cry and feel His arms wrapping around me tightly.
I’m so incredibly excited to experience these two weeks in August. It’s been a long time since I’ve been open to my dreams coming true and this is just the start of it. I’m so excited to see how God is going to use my story, which is still full of hurt and unanswered questions and prayer is going to touch peoples’ lives. I’m excited to see the work that God is going to do on each of my teammates hearts and lives. I’m excited that since I know that He’s already doing work in me now that there is going to be so much more done when we’re down in Mexico & Colombia! Please continue to pray for me and my team <3
